


Lose Your Way

by Shadadukal



Series: Lost Horizons [1]
Category: A Bear Named Winnie, Sanctuary (TV), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, POV Alternating, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-10
Updated: 2011-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:39:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadadukal/pseuds/Shadadukal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During WWI, while testing an alternate indentity, Nikola fell in love with a Canadian soldier. Decades later, he met someone who looked exactly the same.</p><p>Character deaths are canon character deaths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lose Your Way

**Author's Note:**

> This [fantastic vid](http://kuwdora.livejournal.com/553788.html) by Kuwdora led to this. You don't need to have seen _A Bear Named Winnie_ to read this but familiarity with both _Sanctuary_ and _X-Men_ would probably be best.

Nikola was lying on the ground, pretending to be dead. There were enemy soldiers stepping around his body, the dirt grinding under their boots. He got kicked in the ribs and let his body roll with the movement with no more reaction. He had gotten hurt on many abnormal hunts, upping his threshold for pain. He could take this. Hopefully he had bled enough and no one would suspect something was afoot. He breathed as little as possible, short breaths, as far apart as he could take them, as the German soldiers trod by.

He hoped Harry had been able to get away. Nikola wasn't proud of the way he'd left but he had to. The letter from Helen had found him where he was stationed, requesting his presence for a matter of extreme urgency. She had probably exaggerated or he'd have been dragged away from the front by the secret service, breaking his cover, if it was so important.

Back in North America, it had seemed a good idea. To be someone else for a while, see how that worked for him. He was immortal after all, and Nikola Tesla would have to die at some point down the line. So yes, it had seemed like a good idea. As with many other of his choices in life so far, he had been led where he didn't expect.

Nikola had altered his personality, decided on a back-story for the character he imagined and chose to play. Pretending to be stupid would have grown old tremendously fast, so he chose to keep his smarts. Working on being popular and a friend magnet would have been too taxing so he also decided against it. Friendship had found him nonetheless, as was its wont, in the form of his tent mate, Harry Colebourn. And his pet bear. Nikola would forever deny his fondness for the animal if asked. He wished with all his heart that Harry survived the war to be reunited with Winnie. They both deserved it. Hopefully, Harry wouldn't take his, well, death too badly. Taking care of Winnie had brought them close...

 _Nikola hadn't meant to fall in love, but Lieutenant Colebourn's gentleness had won him over. Now, he had to decide what to do about it. He knew what he wanted but wasn't sure about Harry's sentiment on the matter. Of course, if he was simply horrified by Nikola coming onto him and spoke to his, theirs really, superiors, Nikola would simply have to leave Macray's life behind. However, he had grown attached to the carefully-constructed character he was playing and still wanted to be in his shoes longer. But making direct advances to another man was something Nikola would have done, not Macray._

 _He resolved to drop some tiny hints and see if Harry picked them up. Casual touches were easy. Taking care of Winnie, petting her, that provided a lot of opportunities. He took his time getting in and out of his clothes, hoping to entice Harry with the sight of his bared skin._

 _Harry didn't pick up the hints. Day after day, Nikola's disappointment grew. Then it occurred to him that Harry might have noticed, but wasn't interested, which made him feel even worse._

 _He tried opening up to Harry, disclosing details of a completely made-up life, to deepen their friendship. Even so, a bear cub was apparently more fascinating than he was. He'd have been angry at Winnie, ridiculous as it would have been, except he did find her adorable as well._

 _The stop they made at an inn after leaving Winnie at the zoo in London probably wasn't a good time to push his luck but he did anyway. Nikola stopped feeling guilty at taking advantage of Harry's grief when the other man opened his mouth in response to the pressure of Nikola's lips._

 _Harry had lost his shirt by the time he broke their kiss, looking at Nikola in awe. "I thought you didn't realise what you were doing," he whispered._

 _Desperate, happy laughter escaped the half-vampire. "I thought you didn't want me."_

 _Harry smiled and kissed Nikola again. They were completely naked and pressed against each other when it occurred to Nikola that he hadn't given any thought to how Macray would have acted while having sex._

 _However, Harry seemed happy kissing, with their hands around the other's cock. Nikola figured Macray would have been content with that too. For now, it was enough._

 _After, when they were back at the camp, and then when they were moved to France, they stole away what moments they could. They shared a tent, which made their liaison easier. Nikola managed to keep his vampire side under control as they jerked each other off, barely. When Harry proposed that they tried something new, Nikola was elated. They knelt between their cots, and Harry carefully prepared him. He encouraged Harry in urgent whispers. This time, he couldn't hold back the change when pleasure steadily climbed. Harry was pumping in and out, and had a hand wrapped around his cock. Nikola buried his face into the covers, under the guise of muffling the noises he was making, tucking his hands under his face to hide his claws. He bit hard into his blanket when he came, the pleasure washing over and through him. Harry followed moments later. Nikola was still struggling to shift back to his human features when his lover called to him._

 _"I didn't hurt you, did I?"_

 _"No, I'm fine, just... wow, you know," he replied, his voice and fangs under control, but claws still not retracted._

 _Harry moved against him, kissing the side of Nikola's neck. He could feel Harry's smile, his cheek now resting on Nikola's nape. He finally managed to sheath his claws. Once he faced Harry, he kissed him passionately, claiming the other man's mouth, the way Nikola would have, his vampire side simmering under the surface, nary a thought spared for how he was breaking character._

 _After that night, he kept slipping in and out of character when he was alone with Harry, who didn't remark upon it. Nikola knew he had to have noticed the changes; he was too smart not to._

 _Helen's letter made things worse. Even as he slid into Harry's body, he was agonizing over whether to tell him the truth. Nikola had decided to die, not desert. His fictional self deserved better than being labelled a deserter. But they were stationed far enough from enemy lines that death was hard to come by. Which shouldn't have annoyed him as much as it did._

 _He seized the opportunity that presented itself to him, without ever having deciding against telling Harry the truth._

+++

Nigel looked up as the door to the bar opened. He had spent many days waiting, waiting for Nikola to show up. The Serbian genius would never have simply ignored Helen's letter. Still, delays were to be expected. This time, however, Nikola was the one to come through the door. One look at his sloping shoulders was enough for Nigel to swiftly rise from his seat. Nikola turned towards him, and Nigel gestured with his head towards the staircase going up to the rooms on the upper floor.

Nigel pushed Nikola in his room unceremoniously. Nikola sat down heavily on the bed, looking mournfully at Nigel. The Serb snatched the offered blood from his hand rapidly and drank it down just as fast.

"Feeling better?"

"Well, things are always better with a full stomach," Nikola replied, letting himself fall backwards on the bed, legs dangling over the side. Nigel settled next to him.

"I fell in love with my tent mate," Nikola began. "He had a pet bear. I didn't... I wanted to tell him the truth, but I didn't have the time." Nikola's voice broke.

"You poor sod," Nigel murmured, and gathered Nikola in his arms. Everything about Nikola was filled with drama. When he fell in love, it was completely, without holding anything back, and forever. Nigel knew that together, they were just content to share moments. Nikola probably needed someone at his side. However, his tendency to disappear into his lab for days or even weeks at a time before he emerged again made it unlikely that he could find someone.

"You could tell him after the war."

"If he survives... If I can find... Winnie!"

"What?"

"The bear. We left her at the London Zoo. If Harry survives, he'll come pick her up."

"Well, there's a plan."

"No, it's a terrible plan. He'll hate me for not telling him."

"If he loves you, he will forgive you."

"I don't know if he does. I didn't tell him either."

"Nikola... How do you dig yourself into these things?"

Mirthless laughter resonated against his shoulder.

"I'm an idiot."

"No, you're human."

Nikola snorted. "What does Helen want?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow once we're on our way. Sleep now."

+++

Winnie recognized him immediately. Probably thanks to her incredible sense of smell. She ignored all the children to touch her nose to the palm of his hand, licking all over his fingers.

"Sir, you shouldn't do that. Winnie is the nicest bear that I've ever seen, but she might still bite."

Nikola turned around to face the zookeeper, who didn't recognize him. Still, Nikola moved back.

"When Harry Colebourn comes to pick up his bear, please give him this letter. It is of the utmost importance."

Months passed, and Winnie was still in her cage at the zoo. Nikola buried himself in his work, taking over a lab at Helen's Sanctuary. Harry probably died in the war, and Nikola would not get a chance to explain. A knock at the door, and he snarled.

"Nikola," Helen called. "There's someone here to see you."

"I'm not here."

"I wouldn't have disturbed you, but he has a letter that you wrote."

Harry... Nikola stopped breathing for a while. Then air rushed back into his lungs. He stopped what he was doing, turning off everything that shouldn't be left unattended, and left the lab. Helen was waiting for him on the other side of the door.

"Where is he?"

"The parlour. Nikola, who is he?" Helen's customary curiosity shone in her eyes, with a hint of concern, or possibly caution.

"Later, Helen."

Before entering the room where Harry waited, Nikola took a deep steadying breath.

Harry rose from his seat and turned around. He froze when he noticed Nikola. The glasses were gone, and Nikola's hair was darker, as it was no longer being lightened by the sun, as well as shorter. He was dressed in fine clothing, and moved with the arrogance of a vampire who knew himself to be better than almost the entirety of other living beings. Still, the resemblance was bound to seem uncanny.

"Macray..." Harry whispered, a shout to Nikola's sensitive vampire hearing. His friend turned paled, clearly in shock. Nikola stepped close, until he was two feet from Harry.

"I am, and also not," he said gently. "I wanted to tell you before..." _But I was afraid you would reject me, fear me, and I wanted to keep what we had for as long as I could. Those probably weren't the best choice of words._ "It's a long story."

"It'd better provide a good explanation."

Nikola really couldn't blame Harry for his harsh tone, which was unusual for him, but understandable under the circumstances.

Telling the whole story took longer than Nikola had thought it would. Emotions raced one another on Harry's face: surprise, wonder, worry, fear, compassion, love, anger, lust. When Nikola finally fell silent, Harry said nothing for a couple of minutes.

"I can understand," he finally began, "that you didn't tell me the truth about you when we first started our relationship. However, how could you not tell me once you got the letter? If you were planning to take the first chance you got, to die or fake your death?" Harry was angry now, and hurt. "Do you have any idea of the agony I've been through?"

"I...I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"I'm going back to Canada."

"I know. I'm going to Egypt with my friends. Helen at least. James and Nigel aren't quite sure yet if they'll come along."

"I'm leaving Winnie here. She likes it here."

"I wish we could..."

"You know why you should have said something?" Harry asked, leaning closer. Nikola couldn't tell whether he meant to appear threatening.

"Other than not hurting you unduly, no."

"We could have said goodbye," Harry whispered, before kissing Nikola, hand cupping the back of his neck to hold him in place. Nikola hugged the other man closer in return, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. A tension which he didn't know had been weighting him down since he had abandoned Harry lifted as he relaxed into Harry's arms and into the kiss.

"Could we go somewhere more private?" Harry murmured against his lips.

Nikola resumed the kissing, elated that Harry was opened to a proper goodbye.

+++

"What's it like?" Harry asked, stroking Nikola's hip bone as they lay in bed, facing each other as they took a break between bouts. Nikola had a hand in Harry's thick soft hair, his other arm wrapped around Harry's muscular back.

"What's what like?"

"Living forever? Without aging?"

"I love that I'm immortal for the opportunity it gives me." He kissed Harry, a soft long slow caress of his lips on the other man's. "Losing friends and family... I'm lucky Helen's immortal too, and possibly Nigel as well." They didn't really know about Nigel; they hadn't found the same markers in his blood as in Helen's, who hadn't been sick since 1886, and yet, Nigel hadn't shown any signs of ageing, unlike James, but James was a few years older.

"I'm glad you won't be all alone," Harry murmured, then kissed him, harder, with more intent, and then rolled him onto his back. "Are you going to miss me?" Harry asked, rubbing their cocks against each other, the most delightful of friction.

Nikola moaned desperately, squeezing Harry's ass, bringing him even closer.

"For the rest of my life."

+++

Harry was an esteemed veterinarian when he died in Winnipeg in 1947. Nikola had kept in contact throughout the years, sending cards for holidays. He couldn't make it to the funerals, but was now here, a few weeks late, to pay his respects, accompanied by Nigel.

"How are you?" his friend asked. Nigel's support in the wake of the war had been a lifeline; Nikola was grateful for his presence at this time. He touched Nigel's hand, which was on his shoulder, and squeezed back.

"I'll be all right. I'm getting used to burying people that I care about." The incredulous look in Nigel's eyes told him his old friend didn't believe the lie for a second.

"Could you leave for a minute?" Nikola asked. Nigel nodded and walked away, his leather shoes squeaking on the dewy grass. Nikola squatted in front of the tombstone.

"I've never stopped loving you. I don't believe in Heaven anymore. Whatever comes after death, if anything, I know you've gone to a good place. Goodbye, Harry. I love you."

+++

"Come on, mate." Nigel handed the bottle of whisky over with a flourish.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Why would I want to do that? Especially with it being a lost cause."

Before Nikola could reply, Nigel leaned forward and captured Nikola's lips in a gentle kiss. He didn't deepen it, giving Nikola the opportunity to decide. At first, Nikola remained eerily still, neither pushing him away, nor responding. Then, in the space of a breath, in a move Nigel never saw coming, Nikola had him on his back on the bed, straddling him with a mad grin and wild eyes.

Nikola's suddenly playful mood took him by surprise but Nigel let himself be swept away by his friend's antics. Sometimes, Nikola just couldn't do anything like an ordinary person. After what felt like Nikola kissing and nipping every square inch of his skin, the Serb finally shook his strange mood, dropping on all fours besides Nigel, his ass in the air. The invitation was clear and Nigel didn't wait to comply.

Nikola made small needy noises, which turned into unashamed groans as he took his own erection in hand, leaving Nigel to seek his own pleasure. Nikola finished first, and almost fell face first in the pillows, but caught himself and held on long enough for Nigel to join him.

Basking in the afterglow, eyes closed, Nigel felt Nikola move out from under him, his vampire strength allowing him to do so easily. Nikola was staring at him, he knew; he could feel his gaze on his face, Nikola for now waiting patiently for Nigel to acknowledge him.

"I know what you want," Nikola whispered softly.

Nigel just barely held a sigh. "You want to talk now?" Curse his vampire stamina.

"I suppose it could wait till morning if you really want to," Nikola said tentatively.

And damn it! Considering his tone, he knew Nikola would be hurt if he wanted to wait till morning. Whatever it was was important to him. He opened his eyes. Nikola's position was slightly defensive. It wouldn't look that way to most people, but he had known the other man for a very long time.

"What is it you think I want?"

"A family, but it's okay. I understand. You don't have to worry about me."

"Oh, I do, and I should because you're my friend. It would not stop me from seeking to have a family though." Nigel paused for a brief moment, taking care to look in Nikola's eyes. "Even so, it means a lot to have your blessing."

Relief flooded Nikola's face. Nigel understood. While they had never made any kind of promises to one another, and had both always felt free to pursue other people they may be interested in, the possibility had remained that they might develop expectations or else not dare to risk their underlying friendship by stopping this aspect of their relationship. Nigel still wasn't sure what Nikola felt relieved for. That Nigel wouldn't let his feelings for Nikola stop him from doing what he wanted to do or that Nigel wasn't more attached to him. Perhaps it didn't matter.

"I want you to keep in touch," he warned the half-vampire.

Nikola grinned. "Of course." The mischievous gleam in his eyes probably was something Nigel should have felt concerned about.

+++

The man was dressed in a luxurious three-piece suit. It suited him so impeccably that it had to have been made to measure. What was odd however was the old-fashioned cravat tied around his neck. That wasn't the only thing odd about him either. The man had ordered and kept ordering glasses of wine. This was generally uncommon and, at this hour, unheard of. By far the most unusual about him though was the fact that his mind was silent. Mystique, today a tall curvy redhead, had hastily reported that Emma, who was playing hostess at the door, scanning for mutants, had been unable to hear anything from him. That alone indicated the man had to be a mutant. Not a telepath though, as he hadn't seemed to notice or react to Emma's probe. Erik could see the blonde was irritated by that.

Most of the patrons were mutants. They discreetly put word out that people who were different were welcome here. Some humans inevitably found their way to the club as well. Arranging for them to be gone by closing time was easy. And then recruiting could begin.

This wild-haired mutant probably deserved Erik's attention right now however. He approached the man and sat down on the next stool.

"A rather unusual order, wine," he said to get his attention.

The mysterious mutant took another sip, giving himself time to savour it before he turned to look at Erik. He instantly blanched, losing the confident countenance that had characterized him since he walked into the club. For all intents and purposes, the other man looked as if he had just seen a ghost. Then, with a shake of his head, he seemingly recovered.

"Sorry, you look... At first glance, I didn't notice the differences," he explained, now unashamedly staring at Erik. There was sadness in his eyes, even some kind of desperate longing. Was he missing a friend or a lover? Was he dead or simply gone? Erik's heart ached as the thought of Charles crossed his mind. He squashed it ruthlessly. This was the past. Only the future mattered. A future where mutants would reign supreme over the hapless Homo sapiens. After the crisis in Cuba some months ago, the existence of mutants hadn't been revealed to the world. The Brotherhood had been surprised, and Mystique had surmised that Charles may have had a hand in keeping in all a secret. Erik wasn't so sure. It wasn't in Charles's character to erase the knowledge out of so many people's minds. And he had his own problem to deal with.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Erik said, referring to the absence of his look-alike from the other mutant's life.

The other man's eyebrows shot up, and then he smiled ruefully. "I guess you don't get a lot of people trying to drown their sorrow in wine," he replied.

"It doesn't seem to have any effect on you though," he said, before adding jokingly: "What are you?"

The man turned piercing blue eyes towards him, evaluating Erik, before looking swiftly around the room.

"Most people here are... different," he said, raising en eyebrow in challenge.

They stared at each other, neither willing to break first in sharing secrets. Finally, Erik rose from his seat. "Come with me," he said, gesturing towards a door marked 'Employees only'.

+++

Nikola was led into an office, sparsely furnished, where most of everything was metallic. He could smell that most of the patrons in the club were abnormals. There was something more with the one that bore Harry's face however, an intensity that most of the lost kids in the club simply didn't possess.

"My name is Erik Lehnsherr."

Nikola extended his hand in reply. "Nikola Tesla." Recognition flashed in the other man's eyes. "I'm a vampire, but I don't bite," he added, smirking at Lehnsherr, who looked doubtful. Nikola shifted to prove his point, then retracted his claws and morphed his features back to human. "I can also control electricity." He stared at Erik, his resemblance to Harry uncanny, but his face was harder, and his eyes held far more pain and anger.

"I take it there's something going on, judging by the very special patrons."

"How can you tell?"

"I can smell the difference."

Erik then launched into what had to be a well-rehearsed sales pitch. Nikola noted that he called abnormals mutants, and wondered what he would make of the strangest abnormal lifeforms he had encountered. Nikola knew Helen wouldn't approve of these war plans so he chose to offer some of his own story, alighting Helen's long term goals.

"If you thought your friend's ideas could work, you'd be with her right now," Erik pointed out.

"I don't believe in peace and the goodness of human nature anymore," Nikola confirmed. Nigel had tried to rid him of such thoughts in the wake of World War II but there was nothing for it. However, mutants, for all their powers, were just like humans. Only vampires could rule the Earth for the benefit of all.

"I can't join you though," he told Erik, with an apologetic look on his face. "There is something I must do first," he said resolutely.

There was understanding in Erik's eyes, and no blame. He clearly was someone who understood personal quests.

"I don't have to leave right this minute however," Nikola added, giving Erik a meaningful onceover.

"I'm not your friend. I only look like him," Erik replied sharply.

There was something in Erik's eyes that Nikola couldn't quite decipher.

"I know. Besides, Harry died fifteen years ago. I was mourning someone else tonight."

Nikola found himself tugged forward by his belt buckle after a few silent moments.

"Let's go someplace more comfortable than an office."

+++

Erik was buried deep inside Nikola. Since Charles, he had avoided having sex with other men. Nikola had his own uniqueness and Erik wasn't about to forget who he was with as an electrical current teased his nipples.

"Touch yourself," he rasped, and Nikola obliged, one of his hands drifting down from Erik's chest to his own erection.

Erik vaguely recognised a Serbian curse before Nikola's features changed, clawed hands dropping to his side.

"It's all right. Be the real you," Erik demanded, not wanting any mutant to hide their true self.

Nikola grinned dangerously in response, even as his eyes were thankful. That mutants who had physical mutations felt they had to hide infuriated Erik and always comforted him in his mission. Nikola clutched at Erik's hips to urge him on, claws brushing his skin. Erik fucked him harder in response, Nikola groaning in pleasure.

Metal sang in his mind, rattling in the room as he came, grunting and crushing Nikola into the mattress. After a few moments, he rolled onto his side but kept close, his hand on Nikola's cock. A few swift strokes, and Nikola spent himself onto his stomach, growling deep in his throat.

Erik was disappointed and somewhat angry to see him shift back to his human features.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Look human. You don't have to with me."

"Oh, that. Well, habit, I suppose. I spend a lot of time working in science labs and that just isn't compatible with claws."

Erik had to admit that was a good point, but still.

"You're not in a lab now."

Nikola stared at him, holding his gaze. Then his teeth sharpened and his eyes turned dark.

"You're not the first person to ask that. Helen has as well, and Nigel never minds... minded."

The pain of loss was clear on his features, unusual as they were. Just then, there was a sharp knock on the door.

"What?" Erik barked.

"The humans are gone and we're ready," Frost's voice floated through the door.

For a few seconds, Erik thought of asking Emma to tell Mystique to do the recruiting.

"Go," Nikola growled softly. "I'll still be here when you get back."

"Don't you want to come to the recruiting?"

"You've already given me the speech, and besides I'm too lazy to put my clothes back on only to take them off again later."

There was only the slightest question in his red-rimmed dark eyes.

"I'll be there in a minute," he told Emma loudly. He leaned towards Nikola, kissing him. Because of the fangs, he didn't dare slip his tongue in the other mutant's mouth, but Nikola pushed his inside his mouth, sliding it against his own.

"Hold that thought," Erik said, an inch from Nikola's lips, having reluctantly ended their kiss.

Nikola watched him as he dressed, a dangerous grin on his face.

+++

Erik was a very interesting man, Nikola decided, worth keeping in touch with. However, his plans and his didn't coincide and Erik was likely to run afoul of Helen in the future. Helen valued knowledge and intelligence though, so once he managed to resurrect the vampire species, he was sure she would approve. Having abnormals in charge was the best way to ensure that abnormals wouldn't be killed off and a species with superior intellect ruling the world meant discriminations based on such preposterous reasons as nationalities would disappear.

To distract himself, Nikola let his mind wander to images of Erik in his Magneto outfit, with a bear at his side. He hadn't said anything, but he thought Erik had looked ridiculous and he might as well have been in the circus, taming bears. Harry cuddling Winnie had been the most adorable sight ever. He replaced Harry's compassionate youthful features with Erik's hard jaw and intense eyes. It didn't fit. However, Nikola couldn't help but think Erik was mercilessly quelling a gentler side. However, this wasn't his problem.

When Erik strode back into the room some time later, he was clearly irritated, muttering in German about the lack of spine of his fellow mutants.

"Have you ever thought of adopting a bear?" Nikola said to stir him away from those negative thoughts.

Erik stopped midway through taking off his cape and stared at him.

"Do I even want to know?"

"They make really good pets, faithful, and they scare people away."

"Hardly discreet though, and I can scare people without help."

Nikola nodded, conceding the point, watching intently as Erik took his clothes off again, and rejoined him on the bed.

+++

The following morning, Erik gave Nikola a PO Box address so he could contact him whenever he was done with his personal quest. He was too powerful a mutant not to keep in touch with, and what was more important, agreed with his views about the danger humans posed.

A few months later, there was a small packet in the box. Erik could feel the metal in it before he even opened it. There was no note inside. Erik ran his thumb on the metallic surface of a magnet, feeling it hum at him. He turned it over and, upon seeing the opposite face, wavered between irritation and amusement. It showed a cartoon representation of a black bear with the words _I ♥ Canada_ underneath.


End file.
